Child abuse? Guilty on all counts. -- Your last meal on Death Row. -- God only knows. Have we failed Him, or has He failed us? -- How nuts is your shrink? -- My love affair with Orson Welles. -- Politicians are not hypocrites. -- The hideousness of the art world. -- Green with vanity. -- Growing old is better than not. -- Smoking is a dying art. -- What would Turner do? -- Socializing for party duds. -- Are museums fooling the public, or themselves? -- Would you rather keep fit, or keep alive? -- Love may be blind, but marriage is an eye-opener. -- Take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. -- Good is the enemy of great? -- Was Rothko closer to God than us? -- The Beatles didn't create Beatlemania. It was Franz Liszt. -- Could you draw an accurate map of Europe from memory? -- The jet set have flown away. -- Advertising is easy money for school dropouts. -- Lucky for me, there's no justice in this world. -- Being thick is no obstacle to being a successful artist. -- Lobbying for beginners. -- The poorer you are at poker, the richer you are in friends. -- I miss the Mafia. -- War doesn't determine who's right, war determines who's left. -- Is the theatre clapped out? -- Your tour guide to artist studios. -- Even vegetarians eat cellulose. -- Crippled by cliché. -- People don't spit at women wearing leather. -- This is no time to make new enemies. -- There are worse writers than me, published every day. -- If it can't be explained by science, try a séance. -- Art fairs are not fair to art. -- Too many cock-ups to remember, but one I never forget. -- Is good luck or bad luck passed on genetically? -- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. -- Ancient Romans didn't throw-up their food in vomitoria. -- It takes a brave man not to be a hero in the Red Army -- Having the memory of a goldfish is probably better than having mine. -- There is no future living in the past. -- Modern art can make you sick. -- Man bites mosquito. -- Not all conspiracy theories can be crackpot, can they? -- Is it only perverts that download sex filth onto their computers? -- Seven deadly sins vs. seven heavenly virtues. -- I am not as old as I look. -- Are children today more advanced than we were? -- What's the best age to become an art star? 4? Or 94? -- It isn't business. It's just personal. -- Painting is a blind man's profession. -- What is the most painful memory you have? -- London's Olympics - best enjoyed abroad. -- Interesting facts to bore a bore with. -- Which is the worst phobia, fear of spiders or fear of cocktail parties? -- Knowing yourself well, would you choose you as a friend? -- Do you have a toilet face? -- Isn't everybody schizophrenic, or is it just me? -- Love means forever having to say you're sorry. -- The sword is mightier than the pen.

"Charles Saatchi has been one of the moving forces of the modern age. Founder of global advertising agency, Saatchi & Saatchi, and the most important art collector of our time, he's vigorously shaped the contemporary art scene while remaining a reclusive, even elusive, figure. Saatchi was selected by the BBC as one of the 60 'New Elizabethans' who have most influenced the past 60 years" - jacket.